Admiral's Fleet
by HzVee
Summary: Suzuya cannot accept the possibility of being replaced by the superior Tone-class aviation cruisers. She is willing to do anything to prevent Chikuma's second remodel. But, is it only her who is willing to risk anything? Will be added as collection of oneshots later.


"Suzuyaaaaa! Watch out!" Kumano warned me when she saw three torpedoes coming into my direction.

_I know... _

I repositioned myself slightly behind my initial position. I realized this movement would not be enough to avoid the incoming torpedoes from enemy cruisers.

The moment I felt the explosion, I screamed in pain. Soon, the other 5 ship girls surrounded me. Their eyes expressed concerns.

My sister ship moved swiftly to my side and asked worryingly, "Suzuya, are you alright?"

"Can you continue for now?" Haguro-senpai, the leader of the fleet added. She looked really worried and almost cried.

I reached Kumano's hand and stood up, "I'm okay enough... I guess."

The other three girls, Nachi-senpai and two of our juniors, Tone and Chikuma sighed in relief.

We were doing our monthly Okonoshima patrol and tasked to eliminate 4 abyssal fleets discovered by our scouts. That itself wasn't a difficult task. We already sunk the flagship of 2 abyssal fleets. Only 2 of them remained.

The sun was setting and the beautiful orange sky slowly turned darker and darker.

"Senpai, my RADAR detected something," Tone said cautiously, alerted by the RADAR's detection, "They're east of us."

Haguro-senpai ordered Chikuma,"Chikuma, please send night scout…"

Four Type 98 Recon Seaplane flew from our position, heading toward east. Minute by minute passed until suddenly Chikuma reported, "Enemy detected, 110 degrees from our position. Three Ri class heavy cruisers, two Ha class destroyers and one He class light cruiser."

"All ships, prepare for surface combat. Double line formation," Flagship Haguro ordered.

Starshells shot by Nachi lit the black sky and we saw six ships closing from the distance. Our opponent was prepared for a battle as well. Each of us aimed to different enemies.

Since my zuiun couldn't fly and attack the enemy in the night, I readied my main guns.

_20.3 cm twin gun mount number one, elevation 42 degrees. Number two, elevation 45 degrees._

"Uryah!" I yelled as four shells launched toward a Ri class heavy cruiser.

Explosion could be seen as I scored two hits on my target. However it refused to sink by the moderate damage. As expected from Haguro-senpai and Nachi-senpai, they sank their target with their very first volley. Tone nimbly evaded the counterattack from He class light cruiser while firing her second volley.

The cruiser retaliated. I knew I could evade that attack, at least avoiding direct damage. But my zigzag movement slowed down.

"Aaah!" that explosion was really painful. I fell on my knees. Luckily I wasn't sinking even I was heavily damaged.

Kumano who saw that moment swiftly glided to my side and covered me, "Suzuya… Be careful…"

"I-I'm sorry…" I replied awkwardly. I stayed behind her for the rest of the battle. The enemies sensed a weakened target and focused their fire on me. They couldn't pass through Kumano's protection though.

Soon the battle was over. Haguro-senpai reported to the admiral about battle result and we were returning because I was heavily damaged. Tone and Chikuma received light damage, while Kumano was moderately damaged in the battle. The senior heavy cruisers were completely unscathed.

I and Kumano were sent to the dock, while Akashi treated Tone and Chikuma's wounds. Usually, I like baths. However, I didn't enjoy this bath right now, knowing what is ahead. I just couldn't accept the result of this successful operation.

* * *

Two days ago, I accidentally overheard admiral and Chikuma's conversation.

"Good job, Chikuma. Soon you'll be able to receive second remodel and become an aviation cruiser," the admiral concluded after he finished reading a report handed by Chikuma, "You'll just need to prove yourself and obtain a medal to meet the remodel requirement."

After hearing that, I felt a strange feeling rushed throughout my body. I walked away from both of them. My mind was clouded by one thought:

_There is no way I could accept another aviation cruiser in this naval base. Especially if she is better than us. Tone is really good, far better than us – her seniors. What if Chikuma is as good as her? If he could get two of such talented aviation cruisers, he wouldn't see any use of us anymore. I cannot accept the same fate as Suzukaze and the others! Dismissed from the base? No way I would want that. I don't want to be abandoned and lose everything we have just like those unfortunate girls. Our only shelter, our friends and our purpose and pride as ship girls who protect the seas…_

_I must protect myself and Kumano… _

* * *

After few hours spent in the dock, I headed back into my room. Kumano already returned earlier since her damage was lighter.

"N… n -u-u… fu -a-a… I'm feeling a bit sleepy…" Kumano yawned as I entered the room.

"Yes, that was tiring…" I threw myself on my bed, "Good night…"

Kumano asked with a confused tone, "Huh? Sleeping already? Usually we talked until I fell asleep first..."

I ignored the question and pretended to fell asleep.

But I can't.

Negative thoughts kept swirling in my mind until the fatigue from last sortie took effect.

Bright rays from the sun lit my room. Kumano was still fast asleep. As usual I woke up earlier than her. Yawned once, I stood up and readied myself for morning report.

It was 0900. The heavy cruisers gathered in admiral's room. He briefed us for today's duty, "Six of you shall continue yesterday's operation. Make sure you achieved the objective today so we can prepare for upcoming large operation in two weeks. Dismissed."

Without any delay we sortied to Okonoshima waters. Within an hour, we encountered a small abyssal fleet composed of destroyers. They were no match for our heavier equipments and sunk quickly into the bottom of the sea. As we went farther and farther into the sea, the enemies were stronger.

"Did you think you could escape from my scouts!?" Tone shouted after her scout planes discovered the enemy fleet, "Four Ri class heavy cruisers and two Chi class torpedo cruisers approaching."

The enemy had almost the same firepower compared with us. Haguro-senpai ordered us in line ahead formation to maximize our firepower. As with any surface combat, we traded blows with the enemy fleet. The enemy was stronger than previous ones as both sides having difficulty to land a clean hit.

"Dammit, stop moving!" Tone yelled in frustration as her shots only resulted in water pillars bursting from the ocean surface.

Chikuma evaded a combined torpedo salvo from both of the torpedo cruisers. Anyone could see she is very skilled. She paid the cruisers back with a barrage from her main cannons. Finally our side scored one significant hit and within few minutes, one Chi class sunk. Enraged with their comrade's demise the abyssals launched their next attack with more ferocity.

Since I didn't want us to get a medal… Deliberately I positioned myself to be hit. Somehow it only grazed me a little bit and only damaged me lightly. I knew this wound is not enough for us to retreat.

"Heeeeeyyy! Are you alright?" Tone shouted in the distance as she passed me. She pursued one heavy cruiser which was pulling back.

The follow up shot was aimed precisely at my body. With my defensive capability, I knew this direct hit would heavily damage me. I dismissed thought about its pain. I focused my mind and kept saying to myself, "Dismissed from the naval base is more painful than few bullets."

A sudden force threw me on the sea surface. An explosion happened in front of me. Right after the smoke faded, I saw Kumano stood in the place where I was.

She covered her front with her damaged flight deck, "Owwiee… That's hurt…"

She was moderately damaged.

"Kumano! You fool!" I scolded her without much thinking.

"Uuu… What do I did wrong, Suzuya? I protected you… Lately your evasion seems not really good…" she replied while checking damages to her main cannons.

I turned my back on her in annoyance, "That's dangerous, fool… What if you sink?"

I said that not because I cared about her... I just felt really annoyed that my plan was failed.

"Why are you getting angry? Do you think what if YOU sink? I am a FOOL if I let my sister sink!" she replied, irritated with my angry intonation.

"SUZUYA, KUMANO! Focus on the enemy!" Nachi-senpai interrupted us. That's right. If we were caught off guard, both of us might sink and we really gave our place to those Tone-class sisters.

Both of us swiftly moved to opposite direction, evading three shells from the heavy cruisers who thought they'll get us. We launched our torpedoes and hit the abyssal ship. She tried hard to keep afloat, yet all of her effort was in vain.

Tone smiled proudly, "There goes another abyssal…"

We won this battle. After all battle damage checked, Haguro-senpai decided we're okay enough to advance. Because of Haguro-senpai and Nachi-senpai's power and Tone's scouting ability, we eliminated the enemy flagship rather easily although it was a battleship. We ambushed her and surrounded her fleet. We did receive some damage from the fight back, though.

* * *

"Good work everyone," the admiral greeted us when we arrived back at the naval base, "One more enemy fleet and Chikuma will receive her remodel. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Yes, thank you everyone…" Chikuma added. She looked happy.

Kumano smiled, "That's no problem! Of course we like an added strength for our fleet! We should help each other, right?"

Everyone else replied in agreement.

_You're really a fool, Kumano… How could I make you understand you about the situation we're in? You shouldn't help her! I don't want both of us to be dismissed by the admiral! I couldn't imagine how we could live outside the naval base, and not as ship girls! Realize that I'm doing this for you!_

Since both of us were the ones rather heavily damaged, we should got the chance to use the dock first.

"Wait, Suzuya, Kumano." The admiral called us.

"What is it, Admiral?" I replied apathetically. I just want to spend a long time in the docks so I could delay Chikuma's remodel. If I could delay her remodel until the beginning of the major operation… We might be able to prove our ability and retain our position in the fleet.

"Please use the instant repairs. We cannot waste time," he said.

Kumano stared at the admiral with confused eyes, "Admiral, don't we should save up for the major operation?"

_Nice, Kumano. Prevent him from letting us to use the instant repairs._

"We cannot lose time, either. In my judgment, letting Chikuma to get her second remodel is more efficient than waiting your repairs."

"Aah… I see. Thank you admiral. Even though I don't hate baths… Instant repairs are nice too~" Kumano walked away happily to the dock to receive her instant repair.

My hope was crushed instantly. I guessed I cannot object this time.

"Come on, Suzuya! We cannot lose time! I don't like that the others wait for us!"

"Hmph." I sighed. Kumano was totally clueless.

"Heeey… Are you still mad? Why are you mad?" she slowed down and now walked next to me in the corridor.

"It's because you…" my anger interrupted by the sudden scream from one of the room. Probably the destroyer class girls played prank on another. I paused a bit and decided to not continue, "Never mind…"

"Hey… If I did wrong tell me, Suzuya…" Kumano switched to more serious tone.

I shook my head, "Never mind… It's nothing…"

"Oi, how can you angry over nothing then?" She stopped a bit and tried to force me to talk.

"…" I kept silent and just walked past her.

"You're acting weird lately…" now her speech expressed worry.

"Maybe…" I answered bluntly.

* * *

I'm satisfied that I successfully delayed Chikuma's medal progress twice. As before, I consciously put myself in danger and got damaged so we need to return to the base. The admiral already waited for us when we reached the naval base.

"Everyone else can have a break. We'll continue this operation at night," said the admiral.

"Roger," we responded.

"Suzuya," the admiral called me, "we'll talk after you get your instant repair. I'll wait in my room."

I felt scared. I realized my stupidity. If I kept failing the sortie, wouldn't he conclude that I'm not good enough? That's even more reason to prefer Tone and Chikuma than me. I just dug my own grave. Luckily he didn't have any heavy cruisers ready and he had to rely on me and Kumano.

I tried to answer normally, but only a shaky voice came out, "Y-yes, sir."

"Hey… Suzuya… Are you alright? You're trembling…" Kumano put her palm on my forehead, "You don't have a fever though…"

I brushed away her hand, "I'm fine…"

"Are you sure? You looks unwell for me," Nachi commented.

Chikuma, felt slightly guilty apologized to me, "I'm sorry… Because of my remodel requirement… Suzuya-senpai is…"

_Yeah. It's your fault. And the admiral's too._

I put a fake smile on my face, "I'll be alright… Nachi-senpai, Chikuma… Thanks for your concern. I'll be off to the docks."

So I parted ways with them. After the repairs which didn't took even 5 minutes, I headed to the admiral's office.

_What will he do to vent his anger? Will he insult me furiously? Or he is going to send me directly to the factory to get my equipments scrapped and dismiss me? _

I knocked his office's door.

"Come in," his voice heard from across the door.

"Aviation cruiser Suzuya reporting," I saluted. I took a deep breath, preparing to hear his first words about my performance.

"Please take a seat, Suzuya."

I sat in front of him.

Probably he noticed my nervousness as he said, "calm down a bit… today is really hot, isn't it?"

I nodded. Then I noticed he was looking for something under his desk. Then he handed me a cup of ice cream.

"Are you feeling tired or unwell, Suzuya? Your performance lately is really bad," he continued.

_It's because of you're planning to replace us with Tone and Chikuma… _

I tried to look as sorry as possible, "Well… I know… I'm not tired or unwell, but nothing went right lately for me, admiral. I'm sorry. I slowed down everyone…"

"Are you really fine? Kumano said you're acting strange lately. Oh, here. I bought it from Mamiya's for you," he handed me a cup of ice cream.

_That Kumano… She even reported me to the admiral. I'm trying to help you, stupid. You're going to ruin our fate like this! And do you think you're really able to force me to talk by a treat like this?_

I shook my head and assured him everything is alright. I hoped I could convince him enough this time. I took a bit of Mamiya's ice cream and although it was a bribe, it tasted very delicious.

"Really? Is there something on your mind? You can tell me your concerns. Is it rations? Training? I don't like my ship girls to be uncomfortable about things I can help," he tried once more to know what is in my mind.

_There's no way I could answer honestly. He's just a liar. He always being nice while suddenly acting his horrible plan. The moment I said I didn't want Chikuma to receive her second remodel, I'd be gone from this naval base._

"No, admiral. I'm fine. Really… I appreciate your kindness," I pretended to be really, really alright.

He sighed and looked slightly disappointed, "Well, please do your best next time. We're going to need Chikuma remodeled for next major operation. We need the funding bonus by performing excellently…"

"Yes, sir. Suzuya will be ready to do her best!" for once I referred myself in third person.

"However, I'm certain you have a certain problem… You were acting you're alright... It's fine if you don't want to tell me, anyway."

I paused halfway in the room when I heard that. _He saw through me? I'm in a big trouble…_

I inhaled deeply and opened the door. Kumano was waiting outside just on the right side of the room.

"Ah… Suzuya, you're finished…"

"What is it? You eavesdropped on our conversation?" I spoke hostilely because I was irritated on my own stupidity.

"Yes, I do. I don't understand why you're acting weird and performing badly, Suzuya. I'm worried, you know! I thought I could hear you told the admiral what's wrong. I'm sorry that I'm very clueless about what is happening!" she replied. Her voice seemed really honest and desperate.

"Please tell me Suzuya. You've helped me a lot of times. Won't you give me a chance to help you? I don't want to be a useless sister…" she continued and grabbed my hand toward her chest.

I bit my lips. _I guess I have no other choice. I can't do this alone anymore, either._

I walked toward our room with long steps and Kumano hurriedly followed me.

"Why here, Suzuya?" she asked as I unlocked the door.

I pulled her inside and locked the door from inside. I kept the curtains closed and lights out. I didn't want anyone to see what happened inside.

I put my hands on both of her shoulders and took a deep breath.

"Fine… I'll tell you everything."

I paused for a while, "Kumano, please understand that the admiral is not as kind as he looks. I purposefully failed our missions for our sake!"

"W-why?"

Suddenly I felt like crying, "We… Our… If Chikuma remodelled, don't you realize she'll be another aviation cruiser?"

"Yes…"

"Do you realize we haven't sortied together for quite some time, lately?"

"Yes… It would be me and Tone or you and Tone…"

"Do you understand what that means?"

"Ummm…"

She couldn't figure what it meant and I became really angry, "Can't you see Tone and Chikuma is better than us? We wouldn't be needed here anymore! The admiral will dismiss us from this naval base! Then what is in the future for us? Nothing, Kumano… Nothing!"

I saw her tried to say something, but nothing came out from her.

"I-I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want to be parted from everyone… Not even Tone and Chikuma… But… Knowing our admiral… If the remodel happened… W-we wouldn't have another chance! I did all of this for our sake… for our existence as ship girls…" finally I broke down into tears while hugging Kumano. I just really unable to bear all of this anymore.

"And now… I think he caught me pretending everything is alright while I performed poorly… I'm so scared… He might just dismissed me soon…"

"W-wait, Suzuya… Isn't admiral is a nice person?" she asked.

"He looks nice… but he's only nice to those he regards as useful for him in this fleet… You didn't know because you joined this naval base later than me, Kumano. But during the time I was alone… I witnessed he dismissed Shiratsuyu and Suzukaze…. He didn't care about them because they cannot perform as well as Shigure in battles. He didn't think the fact they're sisters! He even let Akebono sunk because Akebono keep calling him shitty! What is so nice about him? There is no reason he should care more about 'rebellious' and 'low performing' ship girl like me. I don't want to… I-I… still want to be together with everyone – except that admiral…" I continued in tears she while patted my head. In the past, I'm the one used to pat her head when she was crying.

Silence filled the room as I tried caught my breath after such an emotional part. I still sobbed a bit too.

"That's why… Kumano… I need you to help me fail this operation… At least if Chikuma's remodel, we can show our worth once again as aviation cruiser. If somehow we still cannot satisfy his standard in the major operation… Then maybe we're really useless, but still I'll try to find a way so we can stay here… But I'm not accepting myself as a trash without a fight."

I saw Kumano smiled and somehow it calmed me a little,"Suzuya… I never thought that far. I'm really thankful that you're trying to protect me. And I agree we should not give up and let the admiral dismiss us just like that…"

"So, you will help me, right? This time you can…" I felt a slight ray of hope shone on my despairing mind.

"However… I don't like your way… This way, you're not only sacrificing yourself by getting hurt… You've sacrificed others too, Suzuya. Everyone are worried for you. Haguro-senpai, Nachi-senpai, and even Tone sisters too… You sacrificed Chikuma's progress… You're ruining admiral's plan… and maybe in one way and another you're sacrificed many others in this base… Every failed sorties are wasted resources and time, right? Didn't you remember that from our training?"

I felt like a fool to get my hopes up. _Then, Kumano… How will you solve this?_

An announcement was heard through the base's speakers.

"Attention, Haguro, Nachi, Suzuya, Kumano, Tone, Chikuma. Prepare yourselves for another operation in two hours."

"So, you will not help me even I already told you what situation we're in? Fine… I'll keep doing this and maybe… you'll survive by performing better than this Suzuya…" I said, clearly disappointed and annoyed, "Soon I'll be dismissed because of delaying the admiral's plan… And remember… you're not going to survive too when Chikuma has remodelled…"

I turned away my face from her and stood up. I felt someone tugged on my right sleeve, "No, Suzuya… we will find a better way, okay?"

I did not respond and tidied my slightly messy hair in front of the mirror.

I heard three knocks on the door and a soft voice, "Kumano… Suzuya? Are you there?"

"Ah… Haguro-senpai… what is it?" I asked when I saw her.

"I thought I should check on you… The admiral also asked me to call Kumano, since he cannot find you anywhere."

"Okay… I'll go soon. Thanks for letting me know, Haguro-senpai," Kumano rushed to admiral's office.

"U-um… Suzuya… Did you cry? Is something wrong?" Haguro-senpai asked after seeing my face.

"Ehehe…" I wiped my eyes and covered my secrets with a chuckle. I gave the best answer I could give, "Sisters problem, I guess…"

"Is that so? I hope it's nothing serious… Let's prepare for our next sortie, then…" she closed our conversation and headed to the factory to get her weapons ready. I should too… But I thought I'll do it slightly later.

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly. Kumano was kneeling beside me.

"Admiral! Can't you hear me? Suzuya is heavily damaged while Chikuma and Kumano is moderately damaged!" I could listen faintly that Nachi-senpai yelled in the middle of night covered sea.

"Yes, I heard you clearly… Proceed. We must clear our objective tonight, no matter what. Didn't I say that?" his sound was heard through our radio communication, directly to everyone.

Suddenly, the memory of the last few minutes flashed in my mind.

* * *

Sixty two minutes ago.

"There are six enemy Ri class heavy cruisers detected closing on us. Single Ta class battleship, two Ru class battleships, two Ri class heavy cruisers, and one Chi class torpedo cruisers also spotted in the distance!" Tone reported her night scout plane's scouting report.

It was one of the worst scenario possible. We might need to battle against two fleets without break. The enemy decided to do a final confrontation to gain control of Okonoshima area in the darkness.

"Double line formation, everyone." Nachi-senpai, now acting as the flagship ordered us.

Unknown to us, the enemy rearranged their battle formation as well. We're gliding on the water surface closer and closer towards them. Unfortunately for us, the dark of the night covered their formation and movement until it was too late.

After thirty minutes, we crossed the T and the abyssal fleet could easily direct all of their guns on a single target among us. If one of us got hit by six enemies at once surely would be a hellish nightmare for her – if she survived.

I and Kumano who were in the front of the double line panicked, "Senpai! Your orders please! They're going to shoot!" Kumano yelled.

"Break formation and focus on evasive manuver, everyone! We'll return into the formation when they're reloading and commence counter attack!" Nachi-senpai said. However, it was too late. Just when she spoke her first part of her order, the enemies already aimed their main guns toward us. No. Toward me.

I felt time slowing down as I saw the abyssal's bullet approaching fast in my direction.

_No way… no way… I cannot survive this! I cannot evade those!_

_Maybe… this is payment for being selfish…_

"NOO! Suzuya, evade!" my comrades screamed when they realized they couldn't do a thing to save me. They were too far after breaking formation to come to my aid.

The first shell exploded on my left leg and slowed me down even more. I closed my eyes, covered my head with my arms and braced for another five impacts. A direct hit struck my arms hard. It is the rather armored part, but it still hurt horribly. Third impact hit my sides and the explosion threw me few meters from my current position. I couldn't feel the fourth, fifth and sixth. Anyway, the three hits already made me only able to lie on my back on the ocean surface. Cold water seeped through my torn clothing. I couldn't feel anything else but the freezing air and water piercing my body. I could barely stay conscious… My sight went blurry… The last thing I could recall was my comrades' counterattack on the abyssal fleet.

* * *

I returned to the reality.

Kumano hugged me and lifted my back from the water surface, "Suzuya! Suzuya! Thank goodness you're awake…"

She looked like she was crying for an entire hour. She buried her face on my painful shoulder. Her body felt really warm compared to the cold sea.

I hugged her in return and said weakly, "Yes… Kumano. I'm still alive… and not sunk... yet."

Every single part of my body was terribly hurting. I could barely lift my arms to hug Kumano, and my legs even refused to move. This damage was much more severe than anything I've received before.

"Heeeeyyy… Admiral, are you crazy? We're in bad condition! There's no way we could proceed and win… Surviving with complete number is hard enough this way!" Tone argued with the admiral.

"Please admiral! If we're keep moving forward, Suzuya might sink! P-Please order retreat! Admiral!" Haguro-senpai added.

A faint voice was heard from admiral's side. "Admiral… I also ask to withdraw them… It's too dangerous." It was Shigure's who were taking the job as secretary while the senpais were sortieing.

"Admiral! I request a retreat order!" even Chikuma argued against the admiral for my sake. The usually calm and composed Chikuma looked really anxious.

He replied coldly like he never heard all of those requests, "I already gave you my orders. Because of the enemy is in close proximity, eliminate the enemy battleship fleet. Any more protest would be dealt with military rules of disobeying superiors. Take care of the damaged."

I wanted to protest, but I felt too weak to say something. I could only whisper and I was certain it couldn't be heard by the admiral.

_That admiral… he is really trying to kill me here and now._

His order was basically impossible. Fighting against three battleships and their escort ships is one thing. Fighting three battleships and their escorts with 3 combat worthy ships is just outright impossible.

The argument was getting out of control for every passing minute. Everyone forced the admiral to order retreat for me. Every word was more desperate than before.

"I trust all of you to clear this… and p-… -tu-… -ly," his last few words were inaudible and the communication line closed.

All of us froze in our position, gazed on the distance emptily. We didn't really believe that the admiral issued a mission bordering suicide mission. Even he is a pragmatic, I never knew he would go such distance to eliminate an useless ship girl. Did he planned to sunk me and Kumano? The weaker ones who could not survive in such conditions? But such mission would risk everyone sinking, not only me. His plan was too insane even it was meant to sink me.

* * *

No one knew how long we stay remained in the silence in the middle of the night. Six ship girls from heavy cruiser and aviation cruiser class stayed still on Okonoshima waters. We were unable to decide whether we should follow the order or our heart.

My wounded body was still leaning on Kumano's. The pain was slightly subsided, but I still unable to move a lot.

"Everyone…" I broke the silence.

Although I only barely able to saw them in the dark, I knew everyone looked at me.

I sighed. I felt really guilty. Because of my thoughtlessness, everything turned into this. Partially, the admiral was at fault here too. – I still refused to acknowledge all of this was entierly my fault.

"I'm sorry… truly, really, absolutely sorry," I used all of the words I could recall to emphasize how I felt.

I confessed everything and why things went awful like this.

"I deserved to be sunk here… Just continue with the mission and finish it… I'm sorry…" I couldn't remember how many times I repeated the word 'sorry'. Even if I repeated a thousand times, I'd still feel guilty.

No one said a single word. Probably Tone and Chikuma were considering what options they had. After all, the root of all of this was the one-sided rivalry between aviation cruisers. I felt everyone moved closer to me as if they would like to give me their support.

"I-it's not Suzuya's fault alone… I must admit I'm responsible for this too…" Kumano suddenly spoke.

"Wait, Kumano, you're not inv-" I tried to stop Kumano. She was certainly trying to take some responsibility of my mistake.

"Sorry, Suzuya. Everyone. Actually I… I told admiral everything about Suzuya's plan when I knew it. I thought he would be able to assure us that we - the inferior aviation cruisers - still have place in the naval base. I believed he is a kind person… But I never knew he would came with such plan…" she interrupted me.

Nachi-senpai held both Kumano and my hand on her hands, "We will return now. And all of us will talk to the admiral. We already wasted too much time here. The…"

"Enemy can find us if we stay here longer, right, Nachi-senpai?" Tone continued her senpai's sentence, "but I guess they already discovered us… My radar detected them approaching here…"

"What? We couldn't retreat in time since we need to tow Suzuya!" Kumano shocked.

"Tone, Chikuma, Nachi, please hold the enemy for a while." Haguro-senpai asked.

"Alrighty, senpai!" Tone replied with her usual energetic tone even few minutes ago we were involved in a depressing conversation.

"Kumano will help Suzuya moving and evading, while I will protect them!" Haguro-senpai completed her orders.

"No… I will drag everyone down… Just leave me and fight the enemy as usual…" I said weakly. I was still not recovered enough to move on my own. Even standing still on the water was almost impossible with these shaky knees.

None of them accepted my idea. They prepared to fight the most difficult fight they ever been. They promised me, no matter what, six of us would surely return. Just under few minutes, the enemy fired their first barrage.

The battle was an uphill struggle for the ship girls. The incredible firepower of enemy battleships forced us to manuver nimbly or risked sunk in one hit, but such swift movement was impossible for Haguro-senpai and Kumano who were covering me. Even with her thicker armor, two shots from enemy battleships was enough to moderately Haguro-senpai.

I could only watch the thick of battle helplessly and prayed so all of us, somehow, miraculously survived.

* * *

The sun was almost rised when we left the hostile waters and reached allied territory. Slight orange glow could be seen on the horizon. We were moving at quarter speed compared to when we began our mission. Almost no words were uttered while we were returning. Everyone was too exhausted and injured even for a small talk.

The admiral already waited for our arrival on the pier together with secretary ship Shigure. When I saw his face, I suddenly found a new strength and took three steps forward. I grabbed his collar.

I lift my hand and prepared to hit him as hard as possible in the face, "Dammit, you devil admiral…"

I swung my arm with full power. My knuckle was halfway from landed him, suddenly my legs lost their strength once more. I stumbled forward and he caught me, preventing me from falling right onto the ground. I felt dizzy once more.

_Damn… I haven't give him a good beating… I must… stay… awake…_

I woke up and slowly pulled my still aching body into sitting position.

"Good afternoon, Suzuya-san…" I found Shigure was sitting next to my bed. I looked around and figured I was inside my room.

"Sorry for the intrusion, but someone needs to keep an eye on you…" she smiled, her soft voice were really calming, "Do you need something?"

"Mmhmm…" I shook my head, "Not really yet… Where is Kumano?"

"All of the heavy cruisers are still in the dock… Last sortie damage was really severe, almost everyone required aroun 6 to 9 hours of repairs," she explained.

"Can you stand up, Suzuya-san? You should go to the dock as soon as possible. The others were still there," she added.

I tried to move my limbs. Somehow it felt a lot better, "Uh, I guess I can walk by myself."

"That's good to hear, Suzuya-san…" Shigure said. She and Kumano lend their hand for me trying stand up.

"Ah, before I forget… The admiral asked me to give this to you, Suzuya-san…" Shigure handed me an envelope.

_A letter? It's not he cannot meet me and talk anymore…_

Before I asked, Shigure explained why the admiral left a letter for me. "He went to the central HQ with Chikuma to report our progress this month as well as getting the medal and blueprint… Probably he will return tomorrow night."

"Thank you, Shigure."

"Maybe it's not my place to say it since I don't really know what is the problem between you… but I'm sure he's at least as worried as the other ship girls when you're fainted. You looked okay when trying to punch him," Shigure chuckled, "Then you fell down just like that. Who wouldn't become worried? Well, he couldn't sleep on the entire night as well… He was waiting for your reports."

I carefully opened the white envelope I received from Shigure. Inside, there was a letter from the admiral. I unfolded it slowly and found a familiar handwriting inside. It was his. I read the letter slowly, making sure I didn't missed a word.

"Oi, Suzuya!" Kumano surprised me right after I finished the last sentence, "What are you reading? You were smiling creepily back then."

I laughed, folded and hid the admiral's letter on my pocket, "Nothing much, Kumano…."

_That's true…_

_As long as we live, we will make mistakes. As long as we live, we can be reckless and not thinking about others._

_Luckily, we are living in the world where there are some room for such mistakes._

_Suzuya forgives admiral, so admiral must forgives Suzuya too!_

* * *

Author's note: Thank you for reading this story. I appreciate feedback, especially because I feel my grammar and vocabulary is not good enough for describing things and emotions. I tried few methods to help me, but I still feel strange because English is not my first language. I'll try to do better next time. I'm sorry for earlier readers too, I was late to find there was a formatting error since I'm not used to text editor.

Author's note 2: The story is inspired by in-game incident when my Suzuya was heavily damaged multiple times and forced the fleet to return. The sortie was for the final medal requirement for Chikuma's remodel. ^^"a


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